The “Perfect” Sunday

There is no better feeling than waking up on a Sunday knowing that your only responsibility is to watch football for 12 hours. (Unfortunately it’s never the case that it’s my only responsibility). Here’s my version of a perfect or not-so-perfect Sunday.

10:00 AM – Wake up. Grab one of the half-drinken waters on the bedside table and chug it like you’re drinking from the fountain of youth. Roll out of bed, grab the nearest shirt and pair of pants you can find and head downstairs to start the coffee maker and begin to thaw the chicken wings.

10:07 AM – Burn mouth on coffee. Immediately grab Gatorade from the fridge and begin chugging. Alternate between hot coffee and cold Gatorade for about 15 minutes until feeling fully awake.

10:30 AM – Head to the bathroom and perform “The League’s” patented “tinker stinker” and make the final changes to your fantasy lineups for the day. (If you’re anything like me, these changes will be pointless as I lose almost every week).

11:00 AM – Begin pre-game pump up. This entails a few things – cold shower while listening to the ’85 Bears “Super Bowl Shuffle,” putting on Justin Fields jersey, and watching Devin Hester highlights – all of which give hope leading up to an extreme let-down.

12:00 PM – Everyone gathered around for a full day of watching football, excitement fills the air. Have the Bears game on one TV and NFL RedZone on another. Tell your roommates all about how you’ve “got a crazy feeling about ____ today” just to watch them lose, while also talking about what players need to do well for your fantasy team to win.

12:30 PM – Disappointment creeps in. Season and start to cook wings at commercial break.

1:00 PM – Extreme loss of hope in the Bears and your fantasy team having any chance at winning.

1:30 PM – Fill the void of a winning team with delicious chicken wings.

2:00 PM – Halftime. Head outside with roommates and toss the pigskin around. If time allows, play game of “BeerBall” (our twist on classic backyard football).

2:30 PM – Head inside and endure another painful half of Bears football with Scott Hanson announcing highlights from other games blaring through the speakers.

3:00 PM – Take off Bears jersey in utter defeat and complain about Nagy’s play-calling until the next set of games start.

3:25 PM – Bring out the chips and salsa and pizza rolls. Eat your sadness away until you fall into a food coma nap on the couch.

6:30 PM – Wake up just in time to order a Chipotle burrito so that it arrives before the Sunday Night game starts. Check on fantasy team just to see that you were the lowest scoring team in the league for the 4th consecutive week. Reset mind and get excited to watch Sunday Night football.

7:25 PM – Kickoff. Devour burrito before the first drive is over. Lay on the couch with no desire to move and watch the game.

9:00 PM – Still lying in the same position as the start of the game, anxiety for Monday starts to creep in. You wonder if you missed any assignments that were supposed to be turned in by Monday morning, but remain on the couch until the game is over because your first job on Sunday’s is to watch as much football as possible.

10:00 PM – Fantasy losses are official at this point. You accept defeat and head upstairs to double check your homework and prepare for the busy week ahead.